From Hate to Love! This is the story about how I love my lovely country Indonesia

First of all, I would like to apologize if my English is very difficult to understand because my English skill is not good. Many Indonesian expressions are hard to translate into English so I'm sorry if you guys can't understand the meaning of what i try to say and many English mistake in this blog.

The story began when I was junior high school student. I was 13 years old that time. Political problems, society problems, community's mindset and its culture, and many shameful issues makes me feel not proud for being Indonesian. I ask myself "why Indonesian like this or like that? Why Indonesian community think like this or like that? Why I have to live in this kind of society?". The issue that really make me hate to Indonesia is corruption is happen in everywhere. Not only government, but also in community. Everything can be done by money. The situation in my high school was so bad. There was 'high class group' who treat me like stupid guy and often fooling me. I was bullied for 3 years in my high school. It makes my hate feeling to Indonesian community stronger. I was talking with my friends and i said to them "I'm not proud for being Indonesian. This country can't develop. The society's mindset can't be change. I want go to outside. I want live in outside Indonesia not in here because society and government problems make me sick." My friends did not surprise at that time because they have same feeling like me but they still proud to be Indonesian. From senior high school student, I didn't want to sing Indonesia National Anthem "Indonesia Raya" because I didn't like Indonesia anymore and there's no meaning to sing this kind of song. I said to my parents "I don't want enter Indonesia University. I want to study abroad" and my parents accept it because my big brother and sister was studying abroad at that time. Then, I choose Japan and Ritsumeikan Asia Pacific University (APU) as my undergraduate university. At that time, I'm so happy that finally I can get out from my country and start living in beautiful country like Japan.

When i come to Japan for the first time, I was really happy and exciting about Japanese culture and multicultural environment in APU. I never see something like this before. No more 'high class group' in my high school who always treat me like stupid guy. No more corruption issue in community and so on. I'm forget everything about that. However, in APU, many Japanese and International friends are asking me about Indonesia and its culture. I was confuse because i hate my own country at that time and i didn't know anything about Indonesian culture. I just share about Indonesian food that i made when i was living in APU dormitory AP House. They're so happy and they want to eat Indonesian food again next time. They even try to say 'thank you' in Indonesian language. I was surprise and very happy about that. I never thought that in APU, many people interest about Indonesia. I also surprise that there's APU students who can speak Indonesian language. I didn't expect that they're so enthusiast about Indonesian culture. Then, I think "I think i should know more about my own country and share with many people in APU." 

When Indonesian Week 2012 held in APU, I was so excinting because i can show how amazing Indonesian culture. At that time, I don't know why, my hate feeling about Indonesia was gone. It just gone and I don't know why I'm so exciting to show Indonesian culture. I even ask my ex-girlfriend to wear Indonesian traditonal clothes called "kebaya" in INA corner in APU cafeteria. I ask my house roommates to eat Indonesian food and wear Indonesian traditional clothes. I'm too exciting about that until I really really forget about my hate feeling about Indonesia. After Indonesian Week 2012 grand show finish, I was screaming "INDONESIA" so loud with other Indonesian Week 2012 participant. That was first time that I feel proud of being Indonesia. My culture was appreciated by International community in APU. It makes me proud to be Indonesia.

However, that feeling was gone after Indonesian week. When i know that i'll go back to Indonesia at August 2012, I feel "should i go home? I love Japan and I want to stay in here. I don't want go back to Indonesia". It means that, i still didn't feel 100% love Indonesia. Even when i go home, I feel homesick with Japan, Beppu, and APU. It's weird isn't it? While other Indonesian friends in APU wanna go home i didn't want. I want to go back to Japan as soon as possible. I didn't like stay in Indonesia.

When I start to being Indonesian Week 2013 organizer with my APU Indonesia community (APU INA) batch no. 24 and 25, my heart changed little by little. I had to think about the best concept and how to make Indonesian Week 2013 success together with them. I also start to close to my APU INA batch 24-25 because we had good time in every meeting for around 9 months (we start meeting October 2012 until June 2013). Actually, Before being Indonesian Week organizer, I didn't really close to them and i didn't know them much because i rare to hang out with them when i was 1st year student. But since being Indonesian Week 2013 organizer with them, i'm getting closer and know them more personally. In meeting, We always laughing in meeting, and the meeting itself was very productive, effective, and efficient. It was a hard 9 months for us but at the same time, we had fun time because we always meet each other once or twice a month and we always laugh together in the meeting even we're under pressure. Before Indonesian Week 2013 grand show start, I share about my purpose of working for Indonesian Week to all APU Indonesia community. I said that I put a lot of effort in Indonesian Week because i do this for Indonesia and make International community in APU know more about the amazing of Indonesia culture. After Indonesian Week 2013 grand show finished, I really really feel proud to be Indonesia and Indonesian Week 2013 organizer. It was really emotional and weird because i never feel proud to being Indonesian. I and other APU INA 24-25 worked very hard and struggle for make Indonesian Week 2013 success. And, people who come to watch our grand show give us very very big applause.

After Indonesian Week 2013 work finish, I had job with one of APU student organization. That organization is dominated by Japanese and has small number of International students. I join that organization since May 2013. At that time, it will be fun because there are many my Japanese friends in there and other members look nice so I think it will be okay. However, it's so hard because the organization style is so Japanese style and they often ignore International students. For example, every explanation is explained in Japanese. APU is dual language university and every student organization in APU should use English and Japanese language to communication. But, this organization is so Japanese style. Not every International students can understand it. The Japanese also didn't communicate well with International students. The meeting also very tough because they're often talking about not important things. It's so different when i was doing Indonesian Week 2013 organizer. I didn't expect that working with Japanese is so hard and their culture is difficult to understand. I also had arguing with student office because they refuse to explain why i failed to join other APU organization. I applied it for three times and it's failed. I just want to know their criteria and standard, and why i fail, so that next time i can do better. They won't tell me and it makes me upset.

At that time, I feel tired working with Japanese and communicate with them. I miss Indonesian Week atmosphere and i miss Indonesia. I want to go home as soon as possible. It's so contrast when 2012 i felt i want to stay in Japan because i like Japan and its community but in 2013 i felt i wanna go home and tired to communicate and work with Japanese. I didn't expect that being friend with Japanese is different with being work partner (No offence to Japanese friends). In Fall semester 2013, I start my part-time job again and work for my organization again. Both of them are very Japanese style. I talked with my roommates (my roommates are Japanese) why Japanese like this or like that. Then, he explain everything with brief explanation based on his study and his perspective as Japanese. Now, I know more about Japanese community culture and their mindset. At that time, I feel grateful that i was born as Indonesian because Japanese community culture is so complex (Again, no offence for Japanese friends). I'm glad that i born as Indonesian and live in Indonesia community. I'm glad that Indonesian is very open-minded, easy to laugh, and easy to talk. I never notice the positive thing from Indonesian community because in the past i only know a bad things about Indonesian community. I am so happy to be Indonesian and once again i proud to be Indonesian. In this case, I learn how to tolerate culture differentiation. Until now it's still difficult to work with Japanese, but the different is I have better toleration and understanding about Japanese community culture because they have their own style, I have my own style. I have my Indonesian way, they have Japan way. Every country has their own style and we should tolerate about that. That's what i learned from this experience.  

I never imagine that people in APU and Japan are appreciating Indonesian culture. I didn't expect that they can say "oh I love Indonesia so much". I'm an Indonesia but i never said that. They're not Indonesian but they said they love Indonesia. Even Indonesian itself especially young generation, are not really appreciate Indonesian culture. Many Indonesian young generation don't want to dance Indonesia traditional dance, sing Indonesian traditional song or play Indonesia traditional instrument. But in here, in APU, Japanese and International students are so exciting about our culture and they appreciate Indonesia culture so much. I never see something like this in my life before i come to APU. I also didn't know how hard working with Japanese than working with Indonesian. I thought it will be okay working with Japanese because i have good relationship with many Japanese friends but when it comes to work, it different. I'm feel so proud to be Indonesia and I love Indonesia 100%.

When I and other APU Indonesia community sing Indonesia national anthem "Indonesia Raya" in APU millennium hall after Indonesian Week 2013 grand show, I was crying. It was so emotional because I remember that i ever said "I hate Indonesia and i never being proud to be Indonesia". I'm so regret to say something like that. I'm so sad that i ever hate Indonesia. When i was sing Indonesian national anthem, I even couldn't sing clearly because i'm singing while i'm crying. It was the most emotional moment in my life until now! I never sing Indonesia National Anthem with feeling proud to be Indonesia. I promise in my life that I'll do anything that i can to help Indonesia. I will study harder, work harder, and see world wider to develop Indonesia in the future. I love Indonesia so much. I'm so proud to be Indonesia like i'm proud to be a Muslim. 

Guys, what i want to say to you is even your country has a lot of problem whether it's social-economic problem or political problem, but you must love your country. You born in there, you eat and drink from your country's meal, you breath your country's breathe, and you live in your country for many years. Your country has give you a lot of things to your life. How can you abandon them? I'm so regret that i ever said that i hate Indonesia. Even Indonesia has a lot of unsolved social-economic problem and political problem, but it's the country where i born. I eat Indonesia's rice, meat and vegetable, I drink from Indonesia's water resource, I live in Indonesia land, and I educated by Indonesia system from kindergarten until senior high school. Indonesia has give me life, so I feel so bad that i ever hate my own country. With around 17,000 islands, over 300 ethnic groups, 700 living language, Indonesia has a lot of wonderful things to observe. I had traveled to European countries, Japan, and Saudi Arabia, Now, I want to travel around Indonesia from the west islands until east islands which from Sumatra island to Papua island. I want to discover Indonesia more and more. I'm still university student so i will study hard for develop my country in the future and let people around the world know how AMAZING INDONESIA!