I Resign From My Job To Pursuing My Dream

Hello everyone 😀,

Wow, it's been long time since last time I post an article in this blog. Yeah, it's last year the last time I post an article here. I'm sorry, I'm focusing on my another blog and Youtube channel. Everything about Indonesia culture and its uniqueness, you can find on my another blog and Youtube channel.

Hey, are you going to promote your project in the first paragraph?

Hahahaha why not? After all, people usually read first paragraph. Yes yes, I know first paragraph should describe what topic that this article going to discuss. Hahahaha I know I'm just amateur blogger.

Anyway, for those who follow my blog (do I have followers? I guest no huhuhu) you might ever read my article about "I quit job hunting for follow my passion". This article have similar title like that but the difference is this one isn't about job hunting but it's real job.

Since then, I often facing this conversation:

"Hey Audi, how's your work?"

"Ummm, I already resigned from my job"

"What? Resign? How come? Why"

"Because I wanna start my Youtube and Blogger project"

"Really? How do you make money from that?"

"Well..........."

My face when I asked that kind of question

It's kinda tired to explain because people keep asking me about that. Okay, I'll try to explain everything as simple as I can. Hopefully, I can write shortly because usually when I start to talk about this, it will be long.

So, in "I Quit My Job To Follow My Passion and Dream" article, I share about my passion which is performing on the stage. I also mentioned about my dream and what makes me have that dream. Let me tell you once again:

My dream is to performing Indonesia culture to around the world and bring Indonesia culture to the top of the world

I want to perform like this again for promoting Indonesia culture to around the world

 In that article, I said that my inspiration behind my dream is Indonesian Week event in my previous university Ritsumeikan APU. I performed as dancer, percussion player, actor-percussion, and martial arts player-actor in grand show event. I also perform in daily event such as parade and night event. Surprisingly, International students, Japanese students, and Beppu-Oita citizens love Indonesia culture so much. They always enjoy when Indonesian week held every year. The appreciation and reception is absolutely wonderful. That makes me think "if I can do in small world like APU, then I can do it as well in the real world". That's why I have dream like this.

Why Youtube and Blogger? Because these two is the biggest media platform for sharing our passion. On Youtube, people around the world can access and watch video freely. Same as Blogger, people around the world can read and access freely. So I think if I share about Indonesia culture and its uniqueness on Youtube and Blogger, people around the world can see and feel Indonesia.

Actually, I wanted to start Youtube in 2015, in my last semester in APU. However, I ended up looking for a job in Tokyo and living in Kyoto for 3 months for getting job. The result? I failed to get a job in Japan and I went back to Indonesia because my visa had expired.

In Jakarta, I got a job just three days. That's so fast compare when I did job hunting in Japan. However, I resigned after 6 months working and I got another job but I resigned after three months.

Why? Why I didn't start Youtube in 2015? Why I keep looking for a job although my passion is performing on the stage and I have dream for Indonesia culture? Why I didn't start pursuing my dream? Only one word to answer:

SCARE

Yes, I was so scared for many things:

I was scared if I don't get income and asking money from my parents

I was scared if I failed

I was scared if I become unemployment

I was scared if I disappoint my parents

I was scared if people around me leave me because I have unrealistic dream

I was scared if people judge me that I failed as a child

I was scared if my dream is just bullshit

I was scared if I'm not good enough to be Youtuber

and so many scare

I'm scared and doubt myself

My fear is the main reason why I doubt myself. Why companies in Japan won't hire me because they feel my doubt. I resigned from my job because I doubt if that job is suit with my goal and can help me to achieve my dream. I couldn't perform well in my second job because I doubt myself if this was right or not for me.

When I resigned from my first job, actually I was thinking to start Youtube. However, I scared if I don't get any income and I'm not good enough to be Youtuber. That's why I accept job offer for my second job. But in the end, I just runaway from what my heart said. I doubt myself that's why it's hard for me to have motivation and passion in my second job. It's hard for me to perform well because I doubt myself and I feel this one isn't right for me, but I neglect it because I was scared if I didn't have money.

Too many doubt and scared in myself. There's time when I'm tired to runaway. Finally, on November 2016, I started Youtube and Blogger with name "Audi26tv". Actually, I won't use my name for that channel but I had no idea which good name for my channel.

I'm trying many things for building my channel. I went to North Sumatra to explore and make vlog, I cooperated with my senior to make Indonesia culture night for diplomat, I performed Indonesia dance in volunteer activity under bridge, I attended to many networking events to share my idea, looking for right partners, and get inspiration. 

The result is still far from my expectation:

Subscribers just 38

Viewers are few

Instagram followers less than 200

I keep trying and doing. I tried to make interesting videos but it's not good enough to attract viewers. My motivation keep getting down every time I saw number of viewers and video analytics. 

I do everything alone. Yes, alone like nobody help me:

Videographer

Photographer

Blogger

Social Media Promotions

Video editing

Translator

Content creator

Script writer

Technical staff (lighting, positioning)

Researcher

Performer

Dancer

I do it by myself. I'm struggling and desperate to get right partner and collaboration. That's why I attend to networking events.

The situation getting more complicated. Actually, I still have contract with my last office to be Japanese interpreter and Indonesian teacher for Japanese expatriate. But it didn't go well although I reached deal with my clients, but they changed their mind and won't use me for their interpreter. It happens for three times. Before resigned, I count how much income that I could get from being freelance interpreter. The rate is around IDR 500,000 - IDR 2,000,000 / day, that's why I was dare to resigned. But it didn't work. That's why I'm looking for a job again but it must be the one who can help achieve my dream.

It's difficult right now. To be honest, I'm struggling right now. My motivation is up and down. I often getting down but I keep do what I have to do and keep smiling to everyone. I desperate to get support (like collaboration, share my blog and video, help me to make video). I want to fight for it but the only one who can bring me up is only myself so I won't rely on anyone else.

Is it wrong? Not rely to anyone else? I don't know

You might think being Youtuber is easy and just wasting time. Talking in front of camera and upload on Youtube is easy things. NO! You're wrong! Yes, being Youtuber isn't difficult but it's not easy as well. Especially, if my content isn't really popular (there's no Youtuber who share about Indonesia culture and its uniqueness). You might often read success story and how they struggling. But it's rare to read when someone in the process to achieving his dream and struggling. That's me.

I won't give up for this. I believe I can be successful someday but to be successful, there's so many challenge and hurdle that I must face. Honestly, I won't be alone but in the beginning I start alone. I don't know whether you can understand my feeling or not but this is what I feel. I want to keep fighting, keep doing this, and keep trying to be great Youtuber. 

I do this not only for myself. I do this for Indonesia, I want to make Indonesia better country in the future, I want to develop Indonesia through art and culture performance, I want to do something for this country. I want to help my family in Medan, North Sumatra, I want to make Indonesia become better home for my children someday. Although, Indonesia society is tough but I love my country. I born here, I raised here, and I want to die here.

I know there's no easy dream to achieve. I know it takes time and long process. I know I must be patient. I know it and I keep believe it. But I'm human, sometimes I can be down sometimes I can be up. But I keep fighting even though I'm really stress, I keep continue. I won't stop and being weak person. I want to be stronger.

That's all from me. I want to end this article before getting so long. Hopefully, you can get lesson from my story and keep fighting for your dream. 

Every human deserve to have dream. And every human deserve to be success. That's what I believe.

I won't give up and keep believe my dream

And the most important thing, keep enjoy our life. Happy-sad is part of life. Just enjoy every single moment in our life